You might be in Rexburg...

If you have ever described 30 degree weather as "balmy" or "nice out"...
If you've ever been fined for texting in a crosswalk, throwing a snowball, or jaywalking...
If your idea of a good time involves Karaoke Night at your school...
If you've ever worn a mustache to a restaurant to get a discount...
If you've ever gotten wet playing a game of Battleship...

If you've never paid more than $5 for a pizza...

If it's been over a year since you've worn shorts or flip flops...
If you can't take a test in shorts or skinny jeans...

If you refer to your school as "the Lord's University"....

If you've ever seen 7 wedding announcements in one week...
If you have ever felt the Spirit of Ricks...
If you start a discussion about evolution with a prayer...

If you've ever played ultimate frisbee in a snowstorm....
If you've never seen an alcoholic beverage within your city limits...
If you've ever been asked on a date to the gardens...
If you've ever said no to a date in the gardens because you "just aren't ready...."
If going to the mall means driving half an hour to a place called IF...
If you can't park at your friend's apartment without getting booted...
If you know from painful experience that "boots" have nothing to do with footwear
If you associate the names Hinckley, Benson, Snow, and Kimball with buildings...
If you hear bells every day but have never seen a bell tower...
If you have never actually driven through the crossroads...
If your friends are confused as to why you go to an eye center to hear religious devotionals....
If you wear a suit and tie every Tuesday...
If you've ever referred to your walk to your math class as "the trek"...
If you think a Buick is a building, not a car...
If you have ever been engaged after two dates...
If you wait to see movies til they come out in the "cheap theater"...
If you have weekly DTRs...
If you know what a DTR is...
If you can't afford to go to BYU Hawaii...
If BYU Provo denied your application....
....then you might be in Rexburg.

Who Needs Friends When You Have Siri?

Here is a review of Apple's new I Phone with quotes taken directly from the Apple website. (http://www.apple.com/iphone/features/siri.html)

"Talk to Siri as you would to a person... Siri does what you say, finds the information you need, then answers you. It’s like you’re having a conversation with your iPhone."

Imagine! A friend that is only there to make your life easier. It never disagrees with you. You can have a conversation without some of the inherent fears of offense, emotional involvement, or having it dominate the conversation. You can command:"Siri! have an intellectual conversation with me...and then tell me where I can get the cheapest tacos in town!" It's like a perfect room mate that never steals your milk.

"Siri not only understands what you say, it’s smart enough to know what you mean...." How many of your "real" friends could fit that description?

"It has so much to tell you. When there’s something you need to do, just ask Siri to help you do it... Siri is proactive, so it will question you until it finds what you’re looking for."

That's right. Siri is like a best friend/secretary/slave, that will obey your every command and make your life so much easier by eliminating all the undesirable tasks from your daily schedule. For example, Siri can schedule your appointments, send your texts, order your pizza, manage your finances, do your homework, discipline your children, break up with your girlfriend, and a myriad of other tasks. Who needs friends when you have Siri?

Wait.....I've seen something like this before in a science fiction movie. This is how it starts. We have friendly little robots who only exist to serve us and then....

There Were Bells On a Hill.....Or Were There?

It was a day like any other. I was walking from the library to the Romney building at BYU-I. As I walked I only half listened to the familiar sound of the campus bells playing hymns for all of Rexburg to hear. Then I stopped. It was 1:49 pm. I asked myself, "Self, why were the bells playing at 1:49?" As far as I knew bells usually ring to announce a new hour. So why did they sound then at such an odd time? Then as I thought to myself I realized that the bells were almost always playing at random times. Sometimes it seems like they just play all day. I decided to investigate further at the bell tower.

Before my investigation could begin I was struck with yet another epiphany. We don't have a bell tower! If we don't have a bell tower then where are these bell hymns coming from? I stopped a passerby who was passing by (as they tend to do) and asked where the bell sound was coming from. He informed me that there are speakers on one of the main buildings that play recordings of bells playing hymns.

I stood there stunned. Recordings? What?! This discovery has lead me on a journey of thought that would make Socrates himself quake in his boots. My pondering has led me to ask such questions as: "If bell towers usually correlate with time, and if our recordings play at random intervals, then why try to simulate a bell tower? If they just want us to hear instrumental music, then why bells? Why not play recordings of an instrument a little more impressive than bells, like bagpipes? If they want us to become more acquainted with the hymns then why not just play recordings of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir? Is this all just some disguised attempt to subliminally convince us that we are just as good as our sister school in Provo?"

If you know the answer to one or more of these questions, please let me know.......I am so confused.....

BYU-I Testing Center

Following the recent drama surrounding the BYU-I testing center dress standards where a student was denied entrance for wearing "skinny jeans", the university again takes the national spotlight after reportedly refusing entrance to an ewok. The testing center spokesman denied that the ewok was barred from entrance on account of being an ewok and affirmed that the decision was made because the creature was not currently wearing pants. The only statement released to the press by the ewok was, "Yub nub." Certainly there will be more news to follow.

Family Christmas Dance

Here is theChristmas Eve dance we choreographed for the opening ceremonies of the first annual Gilliland Family Ugly Sweater Contest.

Ballad of the Tele-Surveyer

As many of you know, I, Tanner Michael Gilliland Esq., currently work at a call center doing telephone surveys. Much of my time is spent simply waiting for people to answer the phone. Ergo, I have lots of time to get the creative juices flowing. The words of this parody came to me as I labored last saturday in the call center. I'm going to give you guys a heads up. There's a line that says "And now my PR is a crying shame." PR is Productivity Rate which is basically how many surveys you do per hour. Since you get paid better if you do more surveys per hour, you learn to dislike when people take forever to do surveys. I've heard that if you have to explain a joke then it isn't funny. If that is true, then I have successfully un-funnied that joke.

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Why We Haven't Blogged: Yoko Oh No!

Please forgive the serious lack of recent posts. Its just that something has come up that has taken a great amount of time and energy from our creative endeavors. The Beatles once faced a similar situation with the addition of John Lennon's love, Yoko Ono. Wanting to spend every waking minute with John Lennon, she soon became an annoyance and then the frustration that led to the eventual downfall of the most famous rock group of all time. So, if you are disappointed in our lack of posts, blame Bryan's girlfriend.
Note from the Editor: This blog is intended to be humorous in nature. Negative remarks about Bryan's girlfriend are not to be taken seriously. She is a wonderful human being and we are thrilled to see them together. Everyone needs their own Yoko Ono.

"Barack" wants Change!

Our roommate Michael, commonly referred to as "Barack," wants change, and he wants it now. Its not the economical mess, or the war, or health care, or foreign relations that has him worried. It's hairstyles. Michael thinks that two eligible bachelors need two stylish cuts. In a recent press conference "Barack" told reporters that Tanner's neatly parted hair "should only be worn by 50 year old men" and that Bryan's frontward spike "resembles the Statue of Liberty." These and other statements have caused no small stir among Conservatives and Liberals alike.
Republican Presidential Candidate, Mitt Romney, a long-time supporter of parted hair, countered Barack with this statement: "People from both political parties have long recognized that [hair] without [a part] creates negative incentives that lead to permanent poverty. It robs people of self-esteem."
The heated debate continues, but only one side will win. So, we ask the American people, is it time for change?

Don't Shingle Me Out

This is a post that pleads for equal rights for those who have been affected in any way shape or form by the dreaded illness, The Shingles. Don't shingle these people out! Don't give them one shingle disgusted look. Don't make one shingle comment about the need for a Shingles Ward. These people have been hurt enough! They don't need one shingle thing to make them hurt more than they already do.

The is the one shingle photo that our editor allowed us to take of him during his bout with Shingles. His girlfriend left him after this ordeal. He is currently shingle.

Those who comment on this post will be entered into a drawing to receive a shingle tee shirt:


Please, be considerate of those who suffer through the shingles.

The Bull Elk Phenomenon

As promised this blog will help people understand college life a little better. What we would like to talk about now is what we refer to as the Bull Elk Phenomenon. Males of every species have many things in common. But the relationship between the bull elk and the Man have a fascinating similarity. Wikipedia teaches us this about bull elk:
"Male elk have large antlers which are shed each year. Males also engage in ritualized mating behaviors during the rut, including posturing, antler wrestling (sparring), and bugling, a loud series of vocalizations which establishes dominance over other males and attracts females."
Post mission life is very similar. Returned missionaries are all thinking about one thing: marriage. And they know that all the other RMs are thinking about the same thing. So they begin to establish dominance, and this is what we call the Bull Elk Phenomenon.
It starts with the donning of duds that are a little too small in order to maintain perfect muscle exposure and hairdos resembling that of Justin Beiber (though they all claim that he is far below them). To elk these are their seasonally changing antlers.
Next comes bugling. Loud, obnoxious jabber that is some how supposed to woo a woman into complete and utter attraction. This can also be used toward other inferior males to... well to show them that they really are inferior. Posturing occurs when a dominant male places himself in a situation where he can be seen in all his masculine glory, perhaps on top of his new mustang, or playing guitar under a nice shady tree, or scoring a touchdown right as the female passes by, or perhaps beating a smaller inferior elk in a sparring match. It is important to note that any and all opposition to these bull elk behaviors will result in antler sparring which is by no means fun for the losing party (which are usually the type of elk who weigh a meager buck twenty-five or have recently come down with the Shingles).
A university campus is a large forest just full of bull elk. When encountering a bull elk remember that he, like most animals, is actually more scared of you than you are of him. His efforts for dominance should be considered merely a result of natural instinct. in most cases its better just to ignore them.