Monday, September 26, 2011

Don't Shingle Me Out

This is a post that pleads for equal rights for those who have been affected in any way shape or form by the dreaded illness, The Shingles. Don't shingle these people out! Don't give them one shingle disgusted look. Don't make one shingle comment about the need for a Shingles Ward. These people have been hurt enough! They don't need one shingle thing to make them hurt more than they already do.

The is the one shingle photo that our editor allowed us to take of him during his bout with Shingles. His girlfriend left him after this ordeal. He is currently shingle.

Those who comment on this post will be entered into a drawing to receive a shingle tee shirt:

Please, be considerate of those who suffer through the shingles.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Bull Elk Phenomenon

As promised this blog will help people understand college life a little better. What we would like to talk about now is what we refer to as the Bull Elk Phenomenon. Males of every species have many things in common. But the relationship between the bull elk and the Man have a fascinating similarity. Wikipedia teaches us this about bull elk:
"Male elk have large antlers which are shed each year. Males also engage in ritualized mating behaviors during the rut, including posturing, antler wrestling (sparring), and bugling, a loud series of vocalizations which establishes dominance over other males and attracts females."
Post mission life is very similar. Returned missionaries are all thinking about one thing: marriage. And they know that all the other RMs are thinking about the same thing. So they begin to establish dominance, and this is what we call the Bull Elk Phenomenon.
It starts with the donning of duds that are a little too small in order to maintain perfect muscle exposure and hairdos resembling that of Justin Beiber (though they all claim that he is far below them). To elk these are their seasonally changing antlers.
Next comes bugling. Loud, obnoxious jabber that is some how supposed to woo a woman into complete and utter attraction. This can also be used toward other inferior males to... well to show them that they really are inferior. Posturing occurs when a dominant male places himself in a situation where he can be seen in all his masculine glory, perhaps on top of his new mustang, or playing guitar under a nice shady tree, or scoring a touchdown right as the female passes by, or perhaps beating a smaller inferior elk in a sparring match. It is important to note that any and all opposition to these bull elk behaviors will result in antler sparring which is by no means fun for the losing party (which are usually the type of elk who weigh a meager buck twenty-five or have recently come down with the Shingles).
A university campus is a large forest just full of bull elk. When encountering a bull elk remember that he, like most animals, is actually more scared of you than you are of him. His efforts for dominance should be considered merely a result of natural instinct. in most cases its better just to ignore them.

Welcome to Room 101

To everyone who has aksed the question, "Where are Tanner and Bryan?" the answer comes: BYU-Idaho. The next sequence of blog posts will be brought to you from apartment # 101 where you will get the real scoop on college life.