Raising Campus Awareness

On my way to class I saw a group of kids gathered in front of the AP Building. My insatiable curiosity brought me closer where I noticed a microphone, speakers, and a banner that said "Soap Box." Apparently the microphone was set up so that anyone could get on the "soap box" and say whatever they wanted. A girl recognized me and asked me to say something. I just couldn't let the opportunity pass. I grabbed the microphone and then started talking about the first thing that came to my mind: Dinosaurs. My speech went something like this:
"Dinosaurs are extinct, right? Wrong. Dinosaurs are well and alive but their existence is kept secret by our government who wants to keep us in ignorant submission so that they can keep their congressional funding for hoaxes like 'global warming.' Did you know that dinosaurs cause .013% of all fatal car accidents in the U.S. alone?
We CDRs, or Certified Dinosaur Wranglers (I know Wranglers doesn't start with an R. CDW already stands for Celtic Disk Wobblers, so we couldn't use it), are trying to raise awareness so that we can put a stop to dinosaur attacks on the general public. The other day I came across a wreck that had all the signs of a dinosaur attack: skid marks, broken glass, and twisted metal. I walked up to the Police officer in charge and told him, 'I know this looks like a typical wreck, but I know it was a dinosaur attack. I believe I have jurisdiction in this case.' I showed him my badge and he had me escorted off the scene. This is EXACTLY the behavior we CDRs are trying to get rid of. Everyone, please continue to raise Dinosaur Awareness so that we can protect our people!"
Special thanks to CDR Matt Loper who first brought the dinosaur threat to my attention.

I think the kids liked it.