First Date Kit. If you say it fast it sounds like "First Aid Kit." That's why it's funny

We all know how stressful and potentially awkward first dates can be. Maybe you have bad breath or stale jokes. Whatever your problem with dating may be, the First Date Kit....maybe can help. If anything, the First Date Kit's powerful placebo effect is clinically proven to possibly influence the general feeling of 8% of all dates.

Buy a First Date Kit today and we will throw in another kit entirely 30% free! Don't let your dates suffer any longer!

FOW: Dumb and Dumber

Twins

Friendship of the Week: the Avengers

In honor of the greatest movie ever we present this week's Photoshopped Friendship: The Avengers

                            Captain America and Iron Man

                            ....and Nick Fury....

The (Photoshopped) Friendship of the Week

Friendship is what this blog is all about (it's also about playing with photoshop). That's why we have decided to start a regular "Friendship of the Week" section that will highlight famous friends from history. The very first friendship that we would like to honor and emulate today is the Mexican
 wrestling duo Nacho and Esqueleto.

If you would like to suggest a friendship to honor post a comment below. All suggestions will be considered, though we do not guarantee they will be used.

Relationship Status Wristbands

  Picture this: You are talking with a person of the opposite sex. You think the conversation is going well so you ask for their number. Then comes the dreaded response: "Oh sorry, I'm already dating someone."

  We've all been in similar awkward situations. If only there was some way to know beforehand the person's relationship status....

  

 Well now you can!

   

Relationship Status Wristbands, in all your favorite colors!

Never worry about those awkward moments again. Feel free to customize your bands with all of our different labels:

• Single
• In a relationship
• Practically Engaged
• Actually Engaged
• Married
• Single and Happy
• Benefriend
• Waiting for a missionary...or somebody better

Order yours today and never feel awkward again!

Oven Mitt

 Realizing that Mitt Romney is likely to become the Republican Presidential nominee, we have decided to practice vulture...ahem... I mean, "opportunist" capitalism by selling Mitt Romney merchandise. So it is with great pride that we, the makers of Excellent Productions, present to you:

   The Oven Mitt!

 

 

For a limited time only you can get your own Oven Mitt for only $100.  To order, simply send us a check with a copy of your 2011 tax returns, your full name (so that you can be published as an official campaign donor), and proof of your political party affiliation.

Jump on the Mittwagon and make this purchase today!

The Oven Mitt will also look great with your Mitt Romney Flip Flops.

Happy Thoughts from Simon and Garfunkel

   If you need a friend 
   I'm sailing right behind 
   Like a bridge over troubled water 
   I will ease your mind 
       -Simon and Garfunkel

The Boot

Anyone who has ever thought they could park in a parking lot without a permit has more than likely seen there car get booted. Thinking about this ruthless booting phenomenon, I realized how funny it would be if they did the same thing to loiterers.

TANNER and BRYAN 2012

After seeing such confusion in the Republican Party, we have decided to throw our hat into the political ring and run for President and Vice President. Let's face it America, we need real change, not the empty promises of corrupt career politicians. We need a presidential ticket capable of dethroning Obama. We need Tanner and Bryan.
We are not politicians. We are just average citizens determined to give America what it deserves. We believe that we have what it takes. A national poll covering Arizona and Idaho reports that we have at least 31 supporters, 3 of which reportedly read our blog more than once a year. With this kind of grassroots support, we will certainly be a force to be reckoned with.

Now we would like to highlight some of the proposed platform policies

National Defense:
We are THE ONLY candidates who are willing and able to prepare America for the imminent threat of a Zombie Apocalypse. It is for this purpose that as President and Vice President we will name Chuck Norris head of the Department of National Security. He will grant each citizen a chainsaw and training dvds so that they will be prepared when danger is at hand.

Illegal Immigration: "Can'tada: Keep them Out!"

Many candidates have discussed the "problems" with illegal Mexican immigration (as if they didn't appreciate genuine Mexican tacos) but they have failed to address the most devious of illegal immigrants: Canadians. They look like us, they sound like us, but they are not U.S. Our "Can'tada: Keep Them Out" program will not only round up (with the use of state-of-the-art Maple syrup traps) and drive out any and all illegal Canadian immigrants (an estimated 3/ year), it will also prohibit Canadians from entering the country legally to steal our jobs, swamp our hockey teams, and propagandize us with their evil socialist agendas. We will continue to strengthen our border security by employing our controversial 2nd Amendment Right to Arm Bears.

Economy: the 5-5-5 Plan (Not to be confused with Herman Cain's 9-9-9 Plan)
This plan is centered around the Domino's 5-5-5 Deal that offers 3 Medium pizzas for only $5 a piece. We believe that an effort by the federal government to encourage taxpayers to take advantage of this deal will result in less spending on more expensive pizza. Less spending= more money in taxpayers' pockets.

Taxes
We propose to cut taxes on everyone under the age of 60. Elderly citizens above the age of 60 will have a tax increase of 40%. Why? Old people have had their whole lives to save money. That's why you always see old people living in big houses and driving fancy cars. Tell us of a college student who owns a Porsche and we will change our policy. They are going to find something to gripe about anyway.

Election Reform

Knowing how hard and terribly inconvenient it is to go down to a public meeting place to vote, we will reform the elections to a "text-in-your-vote" system. This method has proven 100% effective in important American democratic processes like "American Idol."

These are only a few of the important changes that we will make as President and Vice President of the United States of America. In the comments section you will be free to pledge your support and offer monetary contributions that will be used to pay this semester's rent
We are Tanner and Bryan and we approve of this message.

This campaign is been generously endorsed by Chuck Testa, the late Billy Mays, the Animal Kingdom, and Math.