Wednesday, March 7, 2012


After seeing such confusion in the Republican Party, we have decided to throw our hat into the political ring and run for President and Vice President. Let's face it America, we need real change, not the empty promises of corrupt career politicians. We need a presidential ticket capable of dethroning Obama. We need Tanner and Bryan.
We are not politicians. We are just average citizens determined to give America what it deserves. We believe that we have what it takes. A national poll covering Arizona and Idaho reports that we have at least 31 supporters, 3 of which reportedly read our blog more than once a year. With this kind of grassroots support, we will certainly be a force to be reckoned with.

Now we would like to highlight some of the proposed platform policies

National Defense:
We are THE ONLY candidates who are willing and able to prepare America for the imminent threat of a Zombie Apocalypse. It is for this purpose that as President and Vice President we will name Chuck Norris head of the Department of National Security. He will grant each citizen a chainsaw and training dvds so that they will be prepared when danger is at hand.

Illegal Immigration: "Can'tada: Keep them Out!"

Many candidates have discussed the "problems" with illegal Mexican immigration (as if they didn't appreciate genuine Mexican tacos) but they have failed to address the most devious of illegal immigrants: Canadians. They look like us, they sound like us, but they are not U.S. Our "Can'tada: Keep Them Out" program will not only round up (with the use of state-of-the-art Maple syrup traps) and drive out any and all illegal Canadian immigrants (an estimated 3/ year), it will also prohibit Canadians from entering the country legally to steal our jobs, swamp our hockey teams, and propagandize us with their evil socialist agendas. We will continue to strengthen our border security by employing our controversial 2nd Amendment Right to Arm Bears.

Economy: the 5-5-5 Plan (Not to be confused with Herman Cain's 9-9-9 Plan)
This plan is centered around the Domino's 5-5-5 Deal that offers 3 Medium pizzas for only $5 a piece. We believe that an effort by the federal government to encourage taxpayers to take advantage of this deal will result in less spending on more expensive pizza. Less spending= more money in taxpayers' pockets.

We propose to cut taxes on everyone under the age of 60. Elderly citizens above the age of 60 will have a tax increase of 40%. Why? Old people have had their whole lives to save money. That's why you always see old people living in big houses and driving fancy cars. Tell us of a college student who owns a Porsche and we will change our policy. They are going to find something to gripe about anyway.

Election Reform
Knowing how hard and terribly inconvenient it is to go down to a public meeting place to vote, we will reform the elections to a "text-in-your-vote" system. This method has proven 100% effective in important American democratic processes like "American Idol."

These are only a few of the important changes that we will make as President and Vice President of the United States of America. In the comments section you will be free to pledge your support and offer monetary contributions that will be used to pay this semester's rent
We are Tanner and Bryan and we approve of this message.

This campaign is been generously endorsed by Chuck Testa, the late Billy Mays, the Animal Kingdom, and Math.


  1. Would all bears be armed with foreign made AK-47s? I thought this was a patriotic campaign! Lets see some grizzly's toting Remingtons Rugers and Colts and then you will have my vote.

  2. I hate to brag, but I'd make a pretty good secretary of state...after all, look who I'd replace if chosen...

  3. B&T for president!! I'm on that band wagon. :D

  4. Look I don't know you guys, but I just spent like 10 minutes laughing at your blog. This one killed me. Good work.