Things You Will Never Hear Us Say

So we saw a funny list online of things that you'd never hear a redneck say and it got us thinking. We decided to make a list of things you would never hear us say. Feel free to add your own.

1. I'm too full for dessert
2. Do these match?
3. Let's spend the day shopping
4. What a great Jonas Brothers concert
5. Jimmy Stewart movies are lame
6. You're right, canes are out of style
7. This sweater should've been destroyed in the 90's
8. Jeans need to be washed every day
9. I've had too many tacos this week
10 Of course Hayden Christensen was the best Star Wars actor
11. I just ran a marathon
12. 7th Heaven was better than Full House
13. Where can I find the latest Hannah Montana cd?
14. I'm too old for Disney movies
15. Indiana Jones isn't that cool
16. Stop being so happy
17. Musicals are not really my thing
18. I'm sick of board games
19. Make sure you knock before coming in
20. We should wait until we're invited
21. Baked goods are bad for you
22. Oh look, Sagittarius is out.
23. Don't pick that! It's a flower not a weed! (Sorry again Sister Henderson)
24. Let's see Space Chimps again
25. Free food doesn't taste as good
26. So our parents were reading our blog...
27. Add me as a friend on Facebook
28. Hotmail is better than Gmail
39. I'm not really interested in other cultures
30. Don't leave comments on our blog

Bryan's Mission Call

D&C 57
1 Hearken, O ye elders of my church, saith the Lord your God, who have assembled yourselves together, according to my commandments, in this land, which is the land of Missouri, which is the land which I have appointed and consecrated for of the saints.

2 Wherefore, this is the land of promise, and the place for the city of Zion.

3 And thus saith the Lord your God, if you will receive wisdom here is wisdom. Behold, the place which is now called Independence is the center place; and a spot for the temple is lying westward, upon a lot which is not far from the courthouse.

Yep, Bryan is going to Independence Missouri.

Adam-Ondhi Ahman

What Makes a Man a Man?

Yesterday we were asked to transport and hang drywall at a construction site. We quickly realized that we knew nothing about building and fixing things (You have to know those things to be a true man right?). It didn't help that we were working next to Perkins, the manliest man of all (no offense to Harrison Ford). He is a straight up beard-sporting, wood-chopping, pancake-devouring, cabin-building, 6' 6'' lumberjack. It was a humbling experience that reminded us of how uncool we sometimes are. We are the kind of guys that they tell to practice nailing nails into a 2x4 instead of actually working. A quick antidote for pride is remembering that you couldn't even drill a screw into a wall. Yeah...

Come to think of it we are uncool in a lot of things.

Oh well. You can't win 'em all.

It's Back!

Alert Alert! There is a spreading epidemic more dangerous and more contagious than swine flu! It's called "The Jenkins" and it is back in full fury on college campuses around the globe.

We first became aware of the Jenkins last semester around finals time. Once finals were over, students began building up immunities to the Jenkins, but now that the school year is almost over, the Jenkins has come back with extreme vengeance!

Our scientific research and treatment team has already diagnosed over 173 cases. Only 30 of those were diagnosed quickly enough to receive prescribed treatment. It is important that you are aware of the Jenkins, both for your sake and for your loved ones. Remember, there are several symptoms of the Jenkins. It is important to watch for these symptoms so you can receive or recommend help:

-Severe Anxiety
-Constantly being on the brink of tears
-Random blurting out of memorized information
-Inability to do simple mathematical equations
-Pacing in circles
-Incessant muttering and mumbling
-Using teachers' names like swear words
-Inexplicable fear of every-day tasks
-Denial
-Loud outbursts of phrases like: "Don't touch my homework!", "When you do math you have to talk to yourself!", "I'm not on the Jenkins!" "I stared at my calculator til my eyes had a seizure." "I've been in the library for fourteen straight hours and I'm still going to fail!!!", "I have to... gum.. ghojackontipskqueik."

If you have the Jenkins it is vital that you stay calm. Don't try to focus on too many things at once. Only worry about one thing at a time. Stay positive. You can succeed.

If you have any further questions contact us at the GilliFlem Student Practice located in E 3D.

WARNING: Do not startle any Samoans who you suspect might have the Jenkins!

P.S. Happy Cinco De Mayo. The cafeteria celebrated by putting a picture of Italian folk dancers on the milk dispenser

I Hope They Call Me on a Mission

Even though I haven't grown a foot or two.

I am going to the Brazil Joao Pessoa mission (Same mission as Chris Clark!). I report to the Brazil Missionary Training Center on August 12.

First Time for Everything

Today I conquered a fear; I gave blood. It wasn't as bad as I expected. Getting stuck in the finger with that box cutter was probably the worst part.

The Best Deal

Can you believe that you can get a double flavored snow cone only 50 cents (75 cents if you want cream)?! We challenge anyone to find a better deal!

So a couple weekends ago Sterling Smith visited paid us a visit and we felt we must initiate him into the "I Love Fifty Cent Snow Cones Club."

We figured if we told people about the greatest deal in the world, or maybe just this side of the Mississippi, then more people would want to visit us.

Why We Build Temples

Here is a video the Church posted for this week's "Mormon Message." It is in response to an upcoming episode of HBO's Big Love that is said to depict temple ceremonies.



type in this address to see the Church's official statement about the episode:
http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/the-publicity-dilemma

An Apology to Our Readers

I sincerely ask for forgiveness from all those whom I have deceived over the years. I would not have done so if I had known the truth myself. Last night I was given a piece of information that changed my very identity. Since then I have been re-evaluating my life. What is this piece of information you ask? Here it is: The Gillilands are NOT Irish; They are Scottish. I am Scottish! All my life I have told people I was Irish. I have stood proudly, wearing green and eating clover... well, maybe not the clover part. But I have been proud of my heritage. Though, I admit there was always something strange about it. For some unexplainable reason I loved bagpipe music, I loved to watch caber tossing, Sean Connery was my favorite actor, I had an uncanny dislike for the British... okay that part may not be true either. Still, I knew I had Scottish tendencies, but I was too ashamed to admit it, afraid that I would disgrace my Irish heritage. Now it all makes sense. I am Scottish. I am Scottish!



P.S. Last night Bryan found out that he is African.

Happy St. Patrick's Day.... not!

This morning I was able to eat breakfast in the cafeteria, an activity in which I do not normally participate due to the limit on my meal plan. Apart from the pleasantry of being able to eat breakfast, I thought the day was going to be as normal as any other. You can imagine my surprise when upon walking into "The Eat Place" I realized it was decked out in full blown St. Patty's day celebration. Pictures of Leprechauns adorned the front desk and green banners that read "Happy St. Patrick's Day," were strung all over the walls.
"How come I didn't know it was St. Patrick's Day?!" I asked my self in confusion. I quickly raced back to my room to get my green tie on so as to not get pinched by those Irish enthusiasts. After making it into my room unpinched I asked Bryan if he knew it was St. Patrick's Day.
Turns out that I'm the only person who didn't know that St. Patrick's Day is in March. Why did the cafeteria have to confuse me like that?


PS Contrary to popular believe, we do love hearing from people